Return of the Annoying Woman
by brightstarinthenight
Summary: Everyone knows that Lorelai loves to annoy poor Luke, but what happens when she goes too far? This story is purely made up of javajunkie humor! :) Plz rate! FINISHED!
1. Porsches and coffee and witches—oh my!

"Lukie!"

"Don't call me that."

"Oh Lukie-poo!" Luke reluctantly turned around behind the counter and glared.

"Whaddaya want from me now?" Lorelai tilted her head, pursing her lips in feigned thought.

"What do I want from you...let see...well first of all, I want a car. Maybe a Porsche, or a sparkly-red Lamborghini, with a CD player. Oh, and I would like a neck massage, along with a couple of Hershey's kisses, and a new swimming pool, preferably filled with coffee, lots of coffee, with cream and sugar and big marshmallow inner tubes so I could spend all my days until I'm old and ugly and gray floating around in my big coffee pool, and I could just reach down with one of those long super-straws and slurp up some Java—" Luke rolled his eyes in defeat, and passed over a brimming cup of coffee, complete with a couple of little marshmallows that he always saved for Lorelai, before quickly covering the last quarter of an apple pie that had gotten smashed by Kirk's baseball bat when he was trying to kill a moth, before she could get her paws on it.

"Will you please be quiet now?" he groaned.

Sticking her tongue out distastefully, Lorelai grabbed the cup of steaming coffee with a triumphant smile. However, she was still having too much fun to stop teasing Luke, especially since she was the last customer and there was no chance of him being able to slip away to go serve someone else and get away from her evil plans. Muah ha ha ha...

"What about the other things on the list that I told you? You forgot the chocolate, as well as the Porsche and the neck massage. What about those, huh?" She kept on a fake dramatic pout, and poked him right in the center of his red-plaid flannelled back, so that he turned around and met her eyes again. He sighed, a big whoof of air, and frowned, leaning on the counter with a raggedy paperback book clutched in one hand.

"I don't have a Porsche, especially a sparkly-red one, you sneaked the last of my chocolate stash twenty minutes ago when I naively left you alone while I washed the dishes, and I don't think you were serious about the neck massage, so please leave me in peace!" Lorelai made an expression of mock disbelief.

"What do you mean I wasn't serious about the neck massage? When have you ever known me to not be serious?" Luke opened his mouth, looking skeptical.

"Okay, scratch that. But I was completely serious about everything on my list, including the massage and the coffee-filled swimming pool. So make with the massage!"

"What do I get out of it?"

"You get...ooh, I know! If it's a good massage, I will wear my pointy black witch's hat, like in Harry Potter that I wore last Halloween, for the whole day tomorrow!" Luke thought about that, and the image of Lorelai in a witches' hat won him over. Besides, he would get to touch Lorelai, which he was always happy to have the chance to do. What could happen? Shrugging his assent, he walked around the counter over to Lorelai's side, and sank down in the chair beside hers.

"You're wearing the witch's hat tomorrow morning, in front of Kirk. We'll just see what he says."

"My, my, you sure are confident of your massaging abilities aren't you?"

"You bet I am," said Luke, "and I also really want to see you in the hat."

Grinning at Luke, Lorelai moved her dark, wavy brunette hair to one side and turned around. She felt his breath soft on her neck, and involuntarily shivered, but she couldn't help it! His hands started gently massaging her neck and shoulders, and it felt so good that she sighed in bliss. It had been so long since a guy had given her a massage, touched her so tenderly, and it was...really nice. No, more than nice, it was...just like Luke. Luke...had she ever really paid attention to the friendly owner of the local diner? Had she ever really paid attention to how ruggedly handsome he was, how whenever he looked at her or did something for her, like making her a burger he took extra care, stayed extra long to chat, touched her arm whenever he could, and turned red if she ever complemented him...

Lorelai slowly turned around, hardly daring to hope that what she had just realized about Luke was real, and looked into his warm, hopeful blue eyes, before suddenly leaning in, less than an inch away from his stubbly face. She felt him start in surprise, freezing for a long moment before wrapping his arms around her and gently kissing her lips. Lorelai's head spun with thoughts; _Wow, he's pretty good-looking, really...I wonder what he looks like without his hat...what does this mean? Does he want to be with me? It sure seems like it...wish he's move his hands a little lower..._But all these thoughts were blown out of her head when he deepened the kiss, gently exploring her mouth, and making her moan with pleasure...he sure was good at this...

Luke was happy. He was really really ecstatically happy. This had only happened twice in his life that he could remember, once when he had first learned to ride his bike as a child of 10, hugging his Mom and Dad and showing off to his sister, and once when he had first opened his Diner, and felt like he wasn't a loser for once, that he could make a good life, and do it all by himself. This moment dwarfed both of those, and any other experiences in his life by comparison, this simple moment, the simple brush of her soft lips against his, this simple kiss that was making his whole body sing with liquid fire, making his heart pound with joy...she loved him! Never mind why, never mind how, she had kissed _him_. Luke wrapped his arms around her delicate waist, and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss so that she moaned. He felt her cool fingers stroking through his hair, knocking his backwards baseball cap to the floor, and sending shivers down his spine. Pulling her even closer, if that was humanly possible, he began sinking ever deeper into the kiss...

"Aaaaaaaahhhh!" was on the tip of Rory's tongue, before her common sense got a hold of her and she covered up her mouth with both hands before the surprised scream could escape. She had just pushed open the Diner door with its little innocently tinkling bells, to find her Mom and Luke...what the heck _were_ they doing? They couldn't be...kissing? Yep, it sure looked like it. Oh, now they had finally noticed her, and were both looking at her, frozen in mid-kiss. Luke's arms were still wrapped around Lorelai's waist, and her Mom's lips were still pursed. Rory stuffed her fist in her mouth to keep from laughing, because they both looked so guilty, as Lorelai opened her mouth. Here came the crazy explanation...

"Oh, um..." she quickly stepped away from Luke, who's face looked just like a cherry tomato. He was just standing there with his mouth half open. Hee hee hee...

"Um...uh we were just...well, you see there was this...and so it...so, um, and...and so that's why." Said Lorelai. "And—" Rory, giggles finally escaping, waved a hand to stop her. This was the first time in the history of the world, no, in the history of the universe, that her Mom was speechless. And Luke wasn't exactly helping her out, was he? Rory had never really pinpointed the two as a couple, but she had to admit, they made a pretty cute picture. Oh, Luke was starting to stutter. Poor guy, she'd better save him.

"Uh...R-Rory, uh I um—"

"Shush, Luke. I just came over to see if Mom was overdosing on the coffee, but I'll just go home now and leave you two love birds alone!" With that last statement, Rory walked out of the diner chuckling to herself. Who would have thought?

Staring at Rory's retreating form, Lorelai tried to think of something to say, anything to break the silence. What could she say? How about... 'Sexy tie?' No, that wouldn't be right; he wasn't wearing one. He never did. What was wrong with her? She was going to say something, say something highly intellectual, and she was going to say it right now...

"Uh...nice curtains." Oops, maybe that wasn't quite right. At least it had made him laugh...God he was cute when he laughed. Okay, now he was collapsing on a barstool, shaking with laughter. Um, cute and all, but what was so funny?

"Excuse me, Mr. Laughing maniac, but what, may I ask, is so vastly amusing?" Luke managed to gasp out some words, while holding his stomach.

"The...(laughter)...look on...(more laughter)...Rory's...face...(Laughter galore)." Lorelai couldn't help it; she snorted. Well laughing was contagious after all! Lorelai drunkenly attempted to sit down on the bar, and instead fell into Luke's lap, laughing hysterically.

"Oh my God, who cares about Rory's face, yours was bright red!" Luke, growing a bit more serious, gazed at the giggling Lorelai sitting in his lap. What did she think of all this? Maybe he should ask her.

"What do you think about this?" Lorelai gradually stopped giggling, and put her arms around Luke's neck, making him smile. Leaning closer, she grinned back at him, her blue eyes sparkling in anticipation of the amazing moment soon to come.

"I think I owe you a pointy black hat."


	2. Flapjacks and baseball caps

"Boo!"

"Yaaaaah! Jeez!"

"Sorry, just couldn't help myself." Lorelai giggled, watching Luke glare at her... This was so funny! She had snuck into his diner, seeing as he had spaced and left it open. Who knew you could make big, stoic Luke throw a tray up in the air, just by popping up from behind the counter and yelling? She stored the information away in her head for further use. Meanwhile...

"Lorelai, what the hell!" Oooh, he looked mad. The amusing thing was, however, that his hat was now crooked. She contemplated whether to tell him or not.

"Soooo sorry!", she said in a singsong voice, giggling again. He looked at her, trying to look mad, but she could already see his mouth getting tight, meaning that he was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Lorelai, it's five in the morning." Luke said, trying to change the subject so he wouldn't laugh and spoil his demeanor.

"So?"

"You're awake."

"Not for long if you don't get me some coffee!" To demonstrate what would happen, she swooned in her seat, flourishing her hand in the air in a dramatic wave and putting her hand over her heart.

"Oh, I'm fainting from lack of nutrition. Oh-hh-hhhhhh, save meeeeh!" Normally, Luke would have rolled his eyes and gone to get her coffee right away so she would shut up, but right now he was too engrossed in her acting. Look at that, she had just fallen on the floor in a position of ultimate suffering, her tongue sticking out at an odd angle, and her eyes crossed. He noticed that even in such a horrible position she was beautiful. He stared at her seemingly lifeless body, and remembered how close it had been to him last night, when they had kissed...Luke shook himself out of his daydream, and looked at Lorelai again. Okay, it had been about 45 seconds now, and she hadn't moved, except to uncross her eyes to see if he was there, and seeing him standing there watching her with a goofy half smile on his face, cross them again and moan something in pretend anguish, something that sounded an awful lot like 'coffee'. This was really the most elaborate coffee-getting ruse he had ever seen her do. Much more entertaining than when she threw her purse across the room in tortured despair, and it hit Taylor in the head. Somehow it had all gotten blamed on Luke. Oh, God, what if Taylor came in now? Imagine the terror...he had better get the woman some off the floor.

"Okay, you win, would you please get up now?"

She uncrossed her eyes again, and sat up with her legs stretched out on the floor.

"What, but why? I wanna have a picnic." Luke looked down at her, wondering what to do.

"Lorelai, get up!"

"No, you sit down. We can have a picnic, right here. Maybe a little more than a picnic..." She said this with a her head tilted in a way that she knew usually got Luke to do what she wanted, but this time he was nervously looking around through the windows. What, didn't he like her anymore? It had sure seemed like he did last night; that was for sure. She had had trouble getting him off of her. Not that she had minded this one little bit.

Anyway, she had gone home with the smell of him still in her nose, (a mixture of old Spice, and something else, something that was just Luke), and the memory of his hands stroking through her hair. Rory had been sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, eagerly waiting for Lorelai to tell her all of the details of the night...

LATER THAT NIGHT

Lorelai walked in the door, singing a little song she had made up on the walk home from Luke's that went more or less to the tune, 'my bonny lies over the ocean.'

"Dum diddy dum, Luke doesn't drink rum

but he gives me lots of coff-ee,

so that I don't a-act too du-umb,

Luke owns a diner, and puts up with me!

CHORUS:

E-ven tho-ough I'm a whiner, he gives me coff-ee, coff-ee!

cu-u-u-uz, Luke the diner-man lo-o-oves me!

Hee hee!

Okay, so it wasn't perfect, but it pretty much summed up how she felt. Rory was soon singing the song with her, and making up more verses. After they were both collapsed on the couch, breathless from singing and laughing, Rory grinned at her Mom.

"Dish."

"Weeeelllll, gosh, I don't know if I should..."

"Mom!" Rory screamed, hitting her with a large pillow.

"Okay already, I'll tell you. Don't have kittens." Over a midnight snack of Twizzlers and fruit punch, Lorelai told her daughter the whole story. Rory burst out laughing when she got to the part about the massage and the witch hat.

"So where is that pesky witches' hat, anyway?" Rory wanted to know. Lorelai looked shocked.

"You mean I actually have to wear that thing?"

"Uh-huh."

"Damn." Rory grinned and drained the last of her coffee. Wake me up in the morning, I want to see you in the hat."

"Nooooooooooo..."

Lorelai grinned at the memory, and vowed to distract Luke from mentioning their previous deal, so she wouldn't have to actually produce the witch hat from the bottom of her purse, where Rory had thoughtfully stashed it when her coffee deprived Mom was taking a shower. She climbed to her feet, and clambered onto the top of the counter, sitting there facing Luke and dangling her legs. Looking at the back of his head as he was making her coffee, she burst out laughing. He had a big, fat blueberry pancake sitting on the backwards brim of his hat! Oh, joy, this was the funniest thing she had ever seen in her life. Hearing her laughing uncontrollably, (and who wouldn't with all the noise she was making?), he turned around.

"What?" Lorelai snorted, and pointed a shaking finger at him.

"How're ya doing, flapjack?" she choked out. Luke looked rather confused.

"Huh?"

"T-the hat! C-check your hat f-for d-dam-m-mage!" She could barely talk she was laughing so hard. Giving her a strange look, Luke took off his hat, and looked at it. Seeing the pancake, he tried to frown, but ended up grinning. She actually had a good reason to laugh, this time. She was looking at him, smiling that crazy smile of hers, and holding her hands out.

"That's what I want for breakfast. That pancake, right there." He sighed, and slapped it on a plate, putting the plate, some maple syrup, a pat of butter and a large mug of coffee with the little marshmallows she liked in it on a tray, and setting it down on the counter, near where she was sitting. Since the diner wasn't officially open yet, and Taylor was nowhere in sight, he carefully sat down next to her, hoping any awkward moments that might ensue would stay far away.

Between sudden giggles, as she wolfed down the pancake that had been sitting on Luke's hat, Lorelai was thinking very hard. She was thinking about whether Taylor's hair was real, about Rory's boyfriend Dean, and whether he was a good guy or not, and about the shoe sale at the nearby Payless where she had seen the cutest strappy sandals, but mostly she was thinking about Luke. Or more specifically, whether he would get mad if she tried to kiss him again. It was very tempting, considering how near he was sitting, reading the same beat up paperback book as last night, and how his flannel shirt, (blue this time) fit his muscled frame perfectly... How did the guy ever find the time to work out, anyway? He was always busy with the Diner, or Taylor, or something else that bothered him, usually her. Another thing that was slightly worrying Lorelai at the moment, in addition to all the other thoughts buzzing around in her head, was the fact that she still felt so comfortable with Luke. For example, they had kissed last night, more than once. Rory had even walked in on them, horror of horrors, and they had _still_ been comfortable with each other excepting the "curtain" comment. Having never been with a guy that was just a friend first, Lorelai found it hard to grasp this concept. Why didn't she feel all weird and embarrassed? Why didn't she feel at all nervous about Luke, or what he thought about her hair and clothes, or where this relationship was going, like she usually did with guys? _Why don't you just shut up and enjoy it, instead of scrutinizing it to pieces?_ Lorelai shook her head, and gulped down her last piece of pancake, along with some coffee.

"Sooo...plaid clad diner-man." Luke raised one eyebrow and closed his book.

"Are you making fun of my clothing?" Lorelai put on an innocent face, and sipped daintily at her coffee.

"Why, no, of course not. How could you even say such a thing? Don't you know how respectful I am of you?" Luke snorted softly.

"You, respectful? That'll be the day." Lorelai uncrossed her legs and hopped off the counter, putting on an extremely fake-looking hurt face, tossing her hair disdainfully, and walking away, as if to leave. Luke caught her just before she got to the door, and daringly wrapped his arms around her waist from behind hoping she still felt the same way about him as she had last night.

"Where do you think you're going?" Lorelai sniffed as if insulted, turning her head away to hide her grin.

"Nowhere, now." She could feel his heart beating against her back; that was how close he was holding her. God, this was really nice. Carefully and rather shyly, Luke started gently kissing the side of her neck, right under her ear. Lorelai tried not to laugh too much, but it tickled! He was just teasing her now. She decided to get back at him. Turning around, she got as close to his face as she could, only a paper-thin space away from his lips, and waited, grinning at the impatient look on his face. 30 seconds went by, then a minute, then a minute and a half. Luke was looking more annoyed every second, and finally he couldn't stand it anymore.

"You sure know how to irritate me, don't you?" he growled. She laughed softly, so as not to overwhelm him with coffee breath, although she had the feeling he didn't really care. She wrapped her arms around his neck, still not making their lips meet.

"It's what I do best."

"Lorelaiiii..." he whined, almost sounding like her with a bad case of coffee withdrawal for a second. _Hmmm...Lorelai withdrawal. It should be in the dictionary!_ She decided to stop torturing him, considering that he was her only good food and coffee supplier, and also considering that he was almost trembling, which made her feel guilty.

"Okay, okay, don't have kittens." She leaned closer, and gently touched her lips to his, humming her "Luke" song in her head. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him, making her gasp softly when his fingers grazed the skin exposed above her jeans, where her tank top was slightly pulled up. Lorelai kissed him harder, her fingers tangled in his hair, at least the part that wasn't under the stupid baseball cap he always wore. About the hat though...wasn't that the one she had given him? A while ago, like about six months, she had noticed that his green cap was getting a little ratty looking, so she had bought him a new blue-colored one as a spare. He seemed to like the green one so much, though, that she doubted the blue one would ever be separated from its price tag. But to her surprise, the very next day, he had worn her hat. The green one was never seen again. _Wow. I think the diner-man song was right! He loves me! _At that thought, Lorelai felt so giddy and scatterbrained that as she was stroking little circles on the back of Luke's neck, because he seemed to really like it, if the shivers she could feel going through him were any clue, she realized she was humming her diner-man song out loud. Suddenly, Luke reluctantly stopped kissing her, his lips lightly trailing down her neck, making the middle of her stomach feel like there were little butterflies flapping around in there...but in a very good way.

"Mmmmm..." she sighed, feeling very happy and relaxed in his arms.

"Lorelai?" he whispered.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"Why are you humming 'my bonny lies over the ocean?" She giggled with embarrassment, wondering how to explain this one.

"Weeelllll..."

"Yes?"

"I kinda made up a song." Luke grinned, and waited with interest, watching her squirm uncomfortably.

"Do I have to sing it?" He grinned harder, enjoying this. Usually she was the one who made him feel awkward. He was going to enjoy this while it lasted.

"Yeah, you do."

"Or what?" Luke didn't even have to think very hard on this one.

"Or you get de-caff coffee."

"Nooooo, you wouldn't, it's cruel and unusual punishment!"

"Try me." Lorelai sighed, and started singing softly, and a bit off key. When she got to the end, she could barely bring herself to say the, "Hee, hee!" part. But she did. When she was finished, she looked up into his piercing blue eyes, and smiled hesitantly. He smiled back, and took a deep breath, daring to say the words.

"It's all true." Lorelai beamed uncontrollably, feeling giddy again. He had confirmed it! He did love her! Wow! Wow-oh-wow this was amazing, and all in less than 48 hours! But uh-oh, now he was looking at her with something scared in his eyes..._duh Lorelai, the guy just admitted that he loves you. He's looking for something in return...a bit bird-brained today, aren't you? Look at you now, talking to yourself instead of telling him you love him!_ Because she did. For a long time, she had shoved the knowledge into her sub-conscious, trying to keep from getting hurt. But day by day, week by week, year by year, and coffee by coffee, he had made his way into her heart, that amazingly honest, and brave, and rather handsome java-god who was standing in front of her right now, her with her jaw hanging open at all of these revelations. Lorelai shut her mouth, and then opened it again.

"Luke...I think, I mean, you know, I mean no, you don't know, not yet, but you will. You see, I think, no I know...do you know? No, how stupid of me, of course you don't, I haven't told you yet..." Luke was looking rather confused.

"Okay sorry, here you are, waiting while I try to tell you that I love you, and I'm pretty much bungling it up. Okay, I'm going to say it now, don't worry; I'm just like this because I need more coffee. But—" Luke pressed a finger to her lips to keep her from babbling more.

"You just said it, Lorelai." And then he kissed her again.

Many moments later, in the middle of exploring her mouth, Luke remembered something. He gently broke off the kiss, kissing her more and more gently, and finally parting himself from her lips. Lorelai muttered in annoyance, Frowning up at him.

"Whydya have to stop for?" Luke laughed softly, stroking her face.

"I just remembered something."

"What?"

"Where's the witch hat you promised me?" Lorelai glared a mock glare at him, and reluctantly walked over to her purse to dig it out. Shaking out the hat, she looked pleadingly at him.

"Do I really have to wear it for the _whole_ day?" Looking at her very convincing puppy-dog face, he laughed again. Might as well make it easy on her.

"You have to wear it for ten minutes, when the diner opens."

"Whhhhhyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeee?"

"Because the only people who are ever here during the first ten minutes of the day are Kirk, Patty, and Taylor, and probably Rory." Lorelai frowned again.

'Those are the exact people I don't want seeing me in it!" Luke just grinned at on!"

"Alright, alright. If you wear it for ten minutes, you get two free cups of coffee." Lorelai glared, tapping her foot. He always knew just how to manipulate her. She wouldn't do it! But...the coffee...plopping down on the barstool with a huff, she crossed her legs and sighed.

"You drive a hard bargain, mister." Luke grinned, shrugged, and sat down next to her, with his ratty old paperback. She glanced over sideways at him, read the title of the book, which was "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", and leaned against him. All was quiet for about two seconds, and then she opened her mouth again.

"If I wear it for twenty minutes, do I get a free breakfast, too?" Luke smiled, absentmindedly playing with a lock of her hair.

"You've got a deal."

THE END! MUAH HA HA HA HA!

P.S.Hope you liked it!

Britt


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